rayab nitsuj

Sun, 20 Aug 2006 17:16:08 GMT

My dear Izzo,

I've been inspired lately but inspiration is nothing without energy nor determination. That isn't to tell you that I'm not getting better. The last few months have been a testament to renaissance and rebirth. The discovery, the tangible discovery, that I really can think I am in control of my energy has really brought about a new me. I've reinvented after 21 years of apathy.

I no longer fear the rain, the elements, getting dirty or tired. I get soaked, I get dirty, I appreciate life now that I am no longer embracing an escape mechanism. My life is a part of that rain and dirt, it is walking down Church Street in the middle of a coffee high, soaking wet, rain dripping from my thinning hair, perched upon the grey divider that rides the very middle of the market's street, as others hide in the overhangs not waiting to get wet.

This is simplistic, yet true, to my embrace of everything that can be thrown at me. I find it beautiful, but in a most fundamental and childish way. My feet are plastered in mud and I am content.

Tue, 16 Aug 2005 01:27:52 GMT

tired these last few days. my cousins, on my mother's side, have been here since thursday. the oldest one is 18 so no one really my age but i have still had fun hanging out with them. i usually only get to see them once a year so it has been nice seeing them. i'm just tired.

you know what i hate. i hate that the government cannot successfully wage a "war on drugs" so they make stupid commercials telling parents that true love is being really angry at your kids and grounding them for months and cutting them off from their friends for... doing marijuana. not coke or heroin or meth or anything really hardcore. marijuana. so... thats love. love is being a douche bag because the government tells you so. bullshit. my parents love me, know i smoke marijuana now and then, and are not douchebags. once again, fuck off government.

school in exactly two weeks. in fact, right now in two weeks, i will most likely be walking down college street from my evening class. i'm kinda excited. i changed majors from poly sci to psych and i know that was a really good idea.

i haven't seen anyone in almost a week now. thats kinda got me down. m'eh, no one ever does anything anyways. so... i guess it isn't all bad. or maybe it is... but who knows. i don't and i'm sure you don't.

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 21:47:23 GMT

only another 4 hours here. well, in 15 minutes i get an hour long paid break, so its only really another 3 hours. i was sitting here, at work, leaning back in my chair and typing on my laptop just now, and i felt something touch my back. when something or someone touches my back i always swivel around real fast to see what it is. nothing was there and then i realized what it was. it was my hair. my hair is long enough now that its touching my back. thats cool. thats kewl.

i get my apartment application tomorrow and hopefully by friday or so i will have the go ahead to move in on monday. its a real nice place. for those of you who got to visit allison p's place last year its like that, only a little smaller. its got a big front porch. as soon as you enter you are in a hallway. on your left is a really nice oak staircase and at the top are 4 bedrooms and a bathroom with a claw foot tub. on your left is the entrance to the living room. its big with a huge bay window on the front. if you go through the living room you get to the study which is big and open and nice. through there is the kitchen. its pretty big in size. if you went further down the hallway on your left is a very big, wooden, bright dinning room with a big ass table. the neighborhood, north willard street, is very astectically pleasing with lots of trees and very nice houses. i hope i get it.

right now though, another 3 hours of work. and so it goes...

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 21:33:36 GMT

phil ken sebben says...

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 15:19:13 GMT

i got some rest last night. boy, did i need that. i've spent the last 2 weeks out partying pretty much every single night. it started off at amy's almost 2 weeks ago with that intense rager and ended friday night at kkd with megan and joe and wandering around downtown until 1:30. last night i stayed in, watched something about the 60th anniversary of hiroshima with my father, then a speech given by robert oppenheimer on c-span and finally futurama with peter. i bed by 12:00 and up again today at 9:00 for work at 10:00.

its 11:15 right now. that leaves more than 5 1/2 hours left. tommorow is an off day though, finally after almost 2 straight weeks of work. then its work on tuesday through thursday and then 5 days off while i move into my new appartment, hopefully. tommorow, tommorow and its only 3 weeks left until school begins. i don't know whether i am excited or horrified. i mean summer vacation is always hard to say goodbye too. sure, college has quiet a few long vacations durring it but none of them come even close to summer vacation, even with all of its work and such.

i am counting on someone to throw atleast one more major summer bash, something to the extent of amy's party.

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 15:55:22 GMT

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 01:09:56 GMT

updating thine journal... mr. palpagos. whoa, this is where i am. everyone look at the bird... larry bird. white nights in the dark mutt's mouth. woof, wook, shut the fuck up. working here is like being in a tishue box with all its greys and whites and time and so not much more of it left. the ceiling is like a million upside down cubicles. sandwich! brewdwich! a hat on the bell saves nine in time for the life of the mice is nice compared to the ice. us postal service ahoy. beware that bear though, he sure has sharp tomahawk cruise missles instead of claws. old men scratching asses, not what we here assembled wish to see. books of the reds and blues, oranges too. remix in my head, dr. dre is now an eagle. cat scratch diddly do ma patch.

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 22:28:51 GMT

back at work again. actually, back working at night again. first time in a week i will not be doing anything in the evening. well, i get out at 10 so maybe something will be going on. yes, i will come out with it. the only reason i wrote that i hope someone sees it and desides to do something and then leaves a comment or ims me so i can do something after work gets out. so... get going!

i went out to best buy today. i decided to return my ipod. it was already opened and everything and i figured that they would take %15 out of the return i would get back but i guess i did such a good job hidding the fact that they are going to give me all $267.00 back. i figured i need an ipod about as much as i need a cell phone and for those of you who know me, cell phones and me do not equal a good thing. i woke up this morning and realized i just need the money much much more. so i got that over.

i ran into lyndsay neader (sp?) at best buy. its her second day there. so if anyone was actually wondering, yes, she is still alive. thats only if anyone was actually wondering. i wasn't.

i have money! now that i returned my ipod by monday i will have over $1,000.00 in my account. i feel better now that i am actually saving money instead of spending it left and right on stupid things. other than the ipod i have only spent $40.00 in the last month on a bag.

i want to rock and roll all night and party everyday.

i've seen a million faces and i've rocked them all.

no.

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 16:12:07 GMT

i just realized that as of this september, this country has been in a perpetual state of war for 4 years. thats a long time. scary, huh.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 04:44:52 GMT

tonight. another night of actually getting out and doing something. except, this time it did not involve friends. i went out with my parents and my brother on my father's corm and the coach cruise on the lake. the band, can't remember their name, was a really good cover band. i had a few beers and was feeling a bit buzzed and took to the dance floor. coach was buzzed too and when i saw him dancing and he saw me we both started laughing real hard. and then i kept dancing and it was fun. chris bet me that if i had two beers i would be buzzed. i am a light weight and i was, like i said, and thats why i don't normally drink... and i just don't like drinking in general. trust me, if my parents approved of it i probably would have been engaging other substances instead.

it was a lot of fun. i'm glad i went instead of staying home and waiting for something else to happen. i got to dance and drink and see a lot of my parent's friends who are really old and funny. richy tarrent, if you know who he is, came up to me after dancing and said, "don't listen or follow your father. fuck em! but don't tell anyone else that, it ain't befitting of a politician," at which point we both started laughing real hard. life is a lot better when you go out and grab it by the tits... cause i ain't gonna grab it by the balls.

Six people that I love who aren't family (Not in order...)
- ...
- ...
- ...
- ...
- ...
- no one, love is a weird thing

Five things I can't live without
- vermont
- education
- classic rock
- my friends
- air?

Five foods/beverages that I love
- milk
- tuna fish
- granny smith apples
- brocolli kinish from muddy waters
- gin martini

Five things that I always have with me
- a shit load of change
- my watch
- my sandals
- ipod
- the united states senate

Five things I will always and forever hate
- initially jumping to anger
- television
- shaving
- soot
- the united states senate

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 16:33:08 GMT

this week has been something else. i can't remember any other week where i have done something every night. amy john and emily's wild party on monday night, huge success. megans for a highly volitile movie night on tuesday. wednesday night and early morning it was off to amy's for a night of communication breakdown, thank you led zeppelin. and last night, last night was a wonderful culmination. aaron, kristing, joe, megan and i playing... what was it, apple to apple i think... and totally out of it laughing hystaricly. yes!

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 13:44:51 GMT

dateline: uvm
time: 09:35 am
date: 28 july 2005

i showed up to work 1/2 hour late today. thats a direct result of my shift starting at 8:00 and me getting up at 7:45. thats a direct result of not going to sleep until 4:00 this morning. thats a direct result of going to amy's at 12:30 last night and staying there until close to 3:00. thats a direct result of going to joe's at 10:30 last night and trying to find something to do.

i don't think joe or amy or i had any idea what the hell was going on last night. all i know is that during 5 rounds of super monkey ball 2 i failed to finish 4 out of the 5 races and i managed to come in 6th on one of them... garnering a whooping 6 points for my team. at that time, with 2 races left, i retired with my one victory because i was spending more time driving the wrong way and not realizing it than actually going the correct way.

before that we were in the kitchen chilling and trying to talk to each other... but at some point between point a and point ? the communication started breaking down into uncontrolled laughter. for the rest of the 2 1/2 hours we were either playing super monkey ball 2 or plotting to deface pictures in amy's basement in the name of taking over burlington, doing jumping jacks or jumping around all over the place. we couldn't find any damn ice-cream though. the frozen pretzel was good but it was better once amy warmed it up for me because i didn't know what the hell was going on. oh, and the grape freeze pops were really good too.

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 18:20:46 GMT

Wow. Interesting party last night. A lot of first time experiences that ranged from the nerve-racking to the chill and awesome. Would most assuredly like to thank John and Emily, because what they were going through the whole time, I would wish that upon no one and they were always trying to keep the mess that was the evening together. Still, what a night. Good god!

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 15:53:57 GMT

at work again. reading em's journal entry. work-- eh, who needs it? oh, wait, thats right, with the whole money thing and the importance society puts on it. i'm going to go live in the woods when i'm older, with the indians, only i won't become dependent on booze like those sterotypes, so i won't need money for that. and if you think that makes me a racist, well then, you don't know anything and tough tits to you.

no work tommorow. yes work today. amy's thing tommorow night. me no bmob because i won't be drinking... but it sure will be fun to see everyone else drunk. after that it will be time to saddle-on-up and ride into the sunset... but really only crash into the fire exit.

another five hours here.